Jokes

[Аркадий]

________________

[Пряник]

Playing computer games, you will earn yourself a hemorrhoid.
Think about it.
Is the game worth the candle?

[Jasmin]

Obama went to her doctor for a health check. His doctor told him that he would die on a Jewish holiday. Obama is very worried, and he began to demand from doctors the explanation of Jewish holidays, what year and what day he will die? The doctor replied that it did not know exactly. Obama asked the doctor why he said he needs to die in a Jewish holiday. The doctor replied: “Because any day you die will be a Jewish Holiday.”

[Кирилл Сызранский]

- I got killed in Ukraine, " said Kolya Gerasimov and cried.
- How? What are you talking, you're here.
- Killed. I saw the tombstone, the date from 2015. We will fight with Ukraine, Fima.
- You must be crazy! What the Ukraine as possible? Republic-sisters, Dneproges, BAM, the Olympics, Shevchenko days, the theatre named after Ivan Franko touring right now. You probably in the past threw, where the whites, Makhno, Petlura.
In 2015, Fima, 2015. No interplanetary flights. Not a single Institute or Department of Cybernetics of psychic. And forget about smart robots and talking animals. The fascists on the streets throwing ridges and kill Tajiks, police sits in prison demonstrators with signs "peace-peace", red Jora with first class acts on the Central TV and brags about how Ukrainians were shot.
I there how? I even went mad?- quietly asked Fima Korolyov.
- You emigrated to Canada and study of seals.
- Well, at least something good...
- Your brother josja Pro-Kremlin blogger. Promoter-thousand and fiction writer.
- The muzzle to fill.
- Don't worry. I'll say more: Alisa Selezneva - all on Lifenews.
- Creative... such an ugly word. The prostitute?
Worse Fima, much worse.
- Mielofon got?
- They have no mielofon. There now all the TV decides that he'll tell it all I think.
Means the pirates will not come?
- Come, Fima. And we all will vote for them.

[Аркадий]

Drunk man in a torn shirt, on the face in which the lipstick in the pockets — empty bottles, comes into the bus and sits down beside the priest.Unfolds a newspaper and something to read. Then he turns to the priest and asks:
— Do you know, father, what is arthritis?
— Arthritis, my son, happens to those people who strayed from the path of truth, who is sleeping with a fallen women and abuse alcohol!
Holy shit!.. Drunk pauses and looks thoughtful look at the floor. Pop regretted having spoken so sharply:
"All right, my son! How long have you had arthritis?
— Yes you that! I don't have arthritis! Here in the paper that the arthritis in Patriarch...

[Кирилл Сызранский]

Сообщение от Аркадий

Here in the paper that the arthritis in Patriarch...

And not just arthritis, and rheumatoid.

[Кирилл Сызранский]

[I] Solomon Markovich, and VI wouldn't know why on Putin's parade on red square were soldiers from China?
- They get used.
What is still getting used to it?
-Monya, they still used to hold the Victory Parade on red plowed@

[Магнолия]

This is not a joke. It's all true.

To my inquiry, "What is the meaning of ANTIOPE" (mythological name) Yandex replied: "has been fixed typo, "What is the meaning of the ANTELOPE".

[Кирилл Сызранский]

...Maria Ivanovna holds dictation and reads the next
offer:
- "And for microwave pawing the mouse"...
Little johnny immediately:
-Marivanna, Marivanna, and who is TFR?
-RCDS, little johnny, it's the Investigative Committee of Russia.

[Кирилл Сызранский]

[I]— Here is the house with light patients. There Are Napoleon, Hitler, Lenin.
— And here heavy. Girkin, two of Putin, Okhlobystin. Okhlobystin, by the way, nastojashi@