Designer Oleg Yakovlev and his stories

[LCR]

Here's one story of Oleg, is

Strange Case

A wealthy American immigrant named Evreytser once went to Europe to see Paris and the Eiffel Tower. He flew across the ocean on a plane from the airport to the hotel took a bus, and thence to the tower decided to get on the subway. Evreytser got off the train at the station "Trocadero", went down the corridor, climbed the stairs and found ourselves on Dzerzhinsky Square MOSCOW. "Oh!" - Thought Evreytser, and his body was cotton. But it was Moscow, which was confirmed by a thick morozhenschitsey, newsstand with "economic newspaper" and pictures of the actress and actor Chourikova Morgunova. "Oh!" - Said Evreytser, and would have said something more sure, but then it blew some woman with a great ass and a plastic baby bath and yelled: "Well, what got something, blind, or what?" And who was walking behind her unshaven man in a dusty jacket with lapels rolled into a tube blew his nose on the pavement, so much so that Evreytsera almost vomit. Ran over a boy with impudent eyes and outstretched palm, moaned: "Chuingam, chuingam!" Horrified Evreytser rushed to the subway station and was on the "Trocadero", where the turnstiles was a dark-skinned Azhan, but from fotoavtomata heard laughter. Realizing that he was in Paris, Evreytser pushed the door, climbed the stairs, and was back on Dzerzhinsky Square directly opposite the KGB (and no hint of the Eiffel Tower). "My God!" - Exclaimed Evreytser, rushed down, and again ran to the station turnstiles "Trocadero". Azhan already gone, and now in its place was not a Japanese woman, not a Chinese woman, and rummaged in her handbag. And from fotoavtomata raced some grunt. "All this seems to me" - decided to calm, Evreytser, - "because I'm actually in Paris, after all, I went to Paris, and I went to Paris ..."
The third time he saw the ladder and the third time went on Dzerzhinsky Square. Then he was approached by a man in civilian clothes with a merry twinkle in his eyes and said: "What are you - that there is here? And let me see your dokumentiki-ka! .. "
Go at that, because of Evreytsere any more information do not have.


I neshla his autobiography in the magazine "The Art of Leningrad" in March 1991, put it, and the annex.

[qwerty]

LCR, text - super, there is oberiuty!

[LCR]

I am very pleased that you like!

Will put 2 more, but then - everything, and no one to buy my book would not, when I will issue

Andrei

Andrei received a one-room apartment in an old but well-renovated house in Sand Street. He waited so long it saved money on a soft and comfortable furniture, has already bought the curtain on the window. He will live as he wants to take friends, bring plenty of girls and nobody, nobody to tell him he can not, because the apartment - his.
But the apartment for some reason turned out to be some kind of magic. For example, Andrei wants to go to the bathroom, went into the corridor, opened the door, and there - a kitchen, another opens - and there - bathroom, open the third, and then again either a kitchen or bathroom and toilet as if it never happened at all .. . Or, for example, Andrei wants to go to the kitchen to boil the tea itself, will open the door - there is a toilet, open another - bathroom, crossed Andrei, will open the third, and there again a toilet. Or, for example, Andrei wants to take a bath, well, in general, the same thing happens.
Mayalsya so Andryushka - this tousled favorite of the whole team for a long time, and then figured out how to live, using public utilities (for which, incidentally, still have to pay). He said to himself: "I'm going pomoyus", and the times and in the kitchen and the refrigerator, and she had nowhere to go, and when he wanted to bathe, then he should say to himself: "It's good to eat something .. ., "and suddenly okazyvatsya in the bathroom, and so on. In short, Andryushka these concepts have changed places, and because of this outside the house with him a lot happening all most amusing stories. For example, this. He comes once in a restaurant "Youth" and orders a "pee and pokakat" - a waitress in a creek. Police, Andrei in the neck. Protocol. Hooligan. Once, and no summer vacation left ... That's it! Though laugh now, and even cry.

[LCR]

the dangers of smoking

Tolstoy briskly, despite the age, trundling along a path on a bicycle. Sparrows were twittering. Tender sunlight. Fun potrenkivali spokes. A simple homespun shirt bubbles, beard fluttered in the wind.
Returning from a walk, and saying a few words of the phonograph - the new miracle Edisonovu, Tolstoy had a glass of vodka, and grunted, broken boxes of matches, lit a cigar. Lit up and immediately disappeared into the clubs of blue smoke.
Tolstoy did not come out either for lunch or for dinner or for breakfast. It lasted, sought, but never found ...

[qwerty]

LCR, Well, it - Harms, one to one, and, not worse! You know, we can poobsuzhdat edition of this book.

[fross]

And when the book waiting for? And how many copies will be? And how many subscriptions? Images Roginsky? Right?

[LCR]

Сообщение от fross

And when the book waiting for? And how many copies will be? And how many subscriptions? Images Roginsky? Right?

When - until just can not say. I have already submitted the text and illustrations of the designer, who is working on it.
The fact that I was offered an exhibition schedules Roginsky, and I thought it would be nice if this book was ready for exhibition. But first you need to open the exhibition in the Pushkin Museum.

I think that you want to print about 400-500 copies, not more.

Subscriptions - signed by whom? For reasons known to you to organize the artist's signature is not possible.
Is it sign Oleg, I do not know, but it is too easy - to carry the book in Paris and back to Moscow - simple, but expensive (and a bit silly). Carry Oleg in Moscow and back to Paris - cheaper, but more complicated, because unlike books, he most likely will depend (he is a great family man). In general, this question has not been resolved.

[Konstantin]

I liked about Evreytsera remember was the comedy "Window to Paris" where through a hole in the wall of a man held in Moscow to Paris. And there was also an episode when wealthy emigrant with the words "I will pay for it to be in Moscow" was blindfolded held in Moscow. And issued a cry of horror when a shot and realized where he was.
I wonder what year this story was written?

[LCR]

I can not exactly say, but no later than 84-second, maybe a little earlier.

As for the film, about which you speak, and I did not see the idea of this movie belongs totally amazing, rare, for me - almost perfect person, director and cameraman Sergei Nekipelov, who died in Paris a few months ago. He told me the plot (as a result of the case, in the shooting, he did not participate, for various reasons), and it was insanely funny.

[LCR]

Here are a few of Oleg stories: o

The inexorable laws of biology

Once drunk girl with a cheerful company, crossing the southern cemetery at night, when the light torch read dull gold lettering the monument:
"Katerina Ivanovna Zuikov
DIED 83 years in childbirth "
"Wow!" - Thought the girl, and returned the day, barely having found the stone read:
"Katerina Ivanovna Zuikov
DIED 83 years of age.
Became boring. The sea was darkened, turned into a big warm puddle. In the air floated the dust. Over the fence bleated goat. It was time for dinner. In the dining room it took place.

Miracle

Santa Avdey, shell-shocked at once on the Russian-Japanese, the first world, the civil, the CER, in finnish and in the Great Patriotic War, went to the store "Diet" and bought three apples. Ate first and turned into an ass with ears, tail and hooves. "A miracle!" - Delighted grandfather Avdey that now do not have to buy coats and shoes. With this thought he had eaten the apple and the second turned into a flowing water tap in their communal kitchen. And eat the third apple was already absolutely nothing.
Neighbors called a locksmith Basil, put him a bottle. Basil unscrewed flowing off and threw it, and instead put a new shiny.
Here's how unlucky poor grandfather Avdeyu.

Surprise

Nadia with great difficulty cornered home two shopping bags. The first was cabbage, potatoes, beets, onions, carrots, garlic, tomatoes, sugar bone, fat, pepper, salt, herbs, and the second - a pile of paper. Products - cook soup to feed a loved one, only, dear, dear, heart, human, simple, modest, intelligent, handsome and strong man, husband. A paper that he, Having eaten his fill, he could write his thesis.
Carefully put Nadenka bag on the table. Silence. Only the bedroom some creaking but sighs. Nadia threw open the door and opened his eyes wide with horror to the limit, and this remained his entire life.

man in pince

A little known (the time has come, finally, to tell about it), that during the last years of his life, Yakov Sverdlov absolutely not go to the toilet "in the large". Never. Ed. Peel. But the act of defecation did not commit. This is his quality he brought to the perfect surprise and friends, and enemies. However, my friends loved him, while his enemies feared and hated, but both are amazed at inexplicable processes occurring in the body of a revolutionary. And of course, this phenomenon has allowed certain unfriendly individuals from claiming that Yakov is not a man, and "solid shit.

UNTITLED

Lizard sits on the warm stones, the body warms. And behind her stealing animals feeding on them exclusively (lizards), I do not know what it's called, that is, in Latin, I know, but in Russian there is no ... Animals - DAC lizard tail. That - again, the tail left in the clutches of the enemy, and under the stone itself - a new sprout. Grew - and again on the stone, and sat, warmed, and the animal is awake, he wanted to eat again - d /a lizard tail. Lizard's tail left - and under a stone, a new sprout. Grew not without some difficulty, and again on the stone, and the animal again - DAC! ..
«Merde!» - Thought with chagrin lizard - it will not let me live in peace! .. "- And ceased to grow a tail. Animal, the lizard lacking completely died out, because it failed to regroup, adjust to a new way of hunting, the lizard also began to develop, and gradually became more complex man.