Funny text about modern. suit-ve

[Игорь Гурьев]

I found on the internet, maybe it's an old dupe, then I apologize.

You sad shit and plagiarist, and not a modern artist, if:

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Expose household items, things from garbage dumps, rotten fruit, table or other huetu - in frames or boxes, "making them thus works of art." This was done a million times before you.

Offers "text instead of images" - well, writing on a piece of paper "is nothing written," "dick," "against all" or something like that, "cleverly replace the image." This is fun for novice designers. Exception - the inscription "What you see is not a product of modern art", certified by a notary.

Sissy paint, recording, Dicks, Moody, cunts and assholes. Did not want to single out a specific item, but will have - so far in fact draw, and think that this is new and fucking. No, it is, as it were, very, very new, and not fucking. Acquire is it, finally, no longer you who labor on this hard-packed soil.

Use in their facilities faces of politicians, pop stars, pornomodeley etc., combining those with salaries of icons, classical paintings, abstract paintings, and similar huetoy. This technique invented beach photographers end of the last century.

Draw or somehow portray something that you think is "shocking" (well there, "ass fucking aborted baby in unpicked belly"). All this is now only a yawn.

Doing things or images of feces, urine, blood, semen, and currency. This shit is eating - and not only once.

Using characters literally. Well there, put next to the carcass of a sheep carcass of a bull, two embryos in the bank, boiled cancer, a lion, body of a nun, and so on, and call it "Zodiac." This technique is not fucking funny and ostoebal before you were born.

Draw a scary Mickey Mouse and Lenin funny dress of swastikas. These Rhythm style "depict the good the bad and vice versa," get in a jam, like any mechanical device. Not funny also portray the green monster and call it "La Gioconda." This happened once in a mad genius crest - and no longer work. To all other options is also true.

Trying to take the scale, "bigger is cooler" - well, there are painting the building in blue, green swathes Elbrus latex, scatter throughout the city a million images of Mickey Mouse, etc. First, it has already done, and also a million times. Second, in the course of these experiments, it was found that the garbage, repeated a million times, or increased in the same proportion, becomes very large garbage, but the garbage can not stop. And third, keep these tricks organizers advertising companies - who know what it's called "aggressive marketing" and "spam", and not "modern art."

Using cheap symbolism, especially numerical, political, and religious and ethnic colored. For example, take an allegorical statue representing the tenth month of the year - with the Slavic face and slash - and stick to it exactly one thousand nine hundred and seventeen pins, and then call it "October 1917." If you wonder why, read the dictionary with the letter "A" - about "allegory." So, this is, first, not new, and secondly, the reason your modern allegory need long boring transcripts, and that is get in a jam.

Offend anyone's feelings, real or imagined. For example, doing a bunch of crap thirty-three different consistency and call it "the age of Christ" - and then fought back from the Orthodox community that wants you to feed your own good. This technique - called insult "work of art" - not only that the mosquitoes, not only that went, he had to get in a jam, and most nebaluysya. The only situation where it is at least some interest - when someone is offended truly dangerous. Try to give a shit about mogendovid the Israeli Museum of Modern Art, or draw a cartoon of the Prophet Muhammad. But actually, even if you are for it will break, an event in world culture, it will not, and the premium you will have to rely except Darwin.

Showing bare ass, fuck in public and so on. This art is not, and is called the tricky word "exhibitionism." Read about him in a handbook on sexual pathology. If you are not excited at the same time, it is still not an art, but a broken eksgibitsinizm. In reference books written about it, as well as the passive necrophilia - to spare the readers faith in humanity. Have mercy on her, and you, please.

Eat shit in public, drinking urine, burned himself nipples with cigarettes, cut off anything, and so on. This is all, of course, great, but the art is not, and is the most common masochism in combination with the already mentioned ekzgibitsionizmom. I will say more, even if you in the name of the last sincerity apstenu kill yourself, bloody print on the wall will not be a significant artistic value.

Difficult access to the spectator to his creation - well, there, cover the statue with a cloth "so groped," giving to see the picture in the hole, "and that certainly bent." This govnopriem.

Invites the viewer to "take part in a" work of art, and call it "performance art" (well there, and offer to expose the stencil to paint, or to the finished painting mustaches and paint on pussy). It is trite and boring.

Arrange the sight of the public destruction of his creation (or, again, viewers are invited to participate), and call it "performance art." It's boring and trite.

Just tell everyone that you're gay (lesbian), and on that basis alone demand that you immediately recognized contemporary artist, or at least an interior designer. Previously, it rolled, but now a lot of competition, and coming up among gays and lesbians, there are those who in fact know how to paint, sculpt, and interior designers. so that there is nothing more to catch, pedrilos.

The same goes if you tell everyone that you are disabled, a fighter with a bloody dictatorship, a spokesman Nat. or rel. minority endangered tribe, etc. There is also considerable competition, and the competition - a full-fledged artists.

Just pay a lot of money earned by stealing or selling vodka /colors /tomato /toe /Chinese wear /counterfeit perfume or taken dad /mom /lover /mistress, and start bombing the unfortunate layman brain, appearing needlessly every five minutes and the airwaves in magazines, sharing creative plans. Instead of the mat - Good advice: Take the best Moscow real estate, this is where room for creativity.

) Just in case the text is not a work of modern art (

© krylov