[kozhinart]

One lady asked the artist to paint her portrait. When he was
finished, she sent him her husband.
- Bravo, bravo! - Praised the artist's husband. - Just like in life. Here too
it will be to swear!

The lady asks the artist:
- And my picture is really perfect?
- Of course. You yourself do not even know.

Critic:
- Oh, what is it? What a beautiful thing, a vision of what the expression!
Artist:
- Yes? But this is just the place to which I wiped the paint from their
brushes.

The lady turns to the artist:
- Tell me, and you can draw me in the nude?
- There is nothing easier - the artist is happy and quickly begins
undress.

How do you think that the artist painted this picture: sunset or
sunrise?
- I am sure that entrance.
- Why?
- I know this artist: he never wakes up before dinner.

Once Kobzdeya Alexander, a professor of the Warsaw Academy
Arts, was invited to the wedding of one of its a model. For the first time seeing her
dressed, the artist leaned over to his neighbor and whispered in his ear:
- I never thought that she was so charming!

The young artist suddenly kissed a model. Pretending
offended, she said:
- Do you kiss all of its Artist's Model?
- No, you first.
- And how you were there?
- Four: herring, onion, plate, and you ...

Abstract artist friend says:
- I found myself in a difficult position. Customers who ordered a portrait of me, wants
so I changed the color of his eyes.
- Well, treason, what is it?
- Well, I do not remember where in the painted eyes!

The man, who visited the artist's studio, turned to him with
request:
- Can you do me something to offer - cheap and oil?
- Bank of sardines?

Visitor a picture gallery stood a long time before the picture
depicting a tramp in tatters.
- Of all things! - She exclaimed at last with indignation. - Not having money for
decent suit, he allows himself to order portraits.

Sitting in a restaurant man, suddenly to him sits classroom girl.
A guy orders a champagne they drink. After a while man puts
girl's hand on his knee, began to slow up. Girl suddenly
says:
- What you are looking for is located behind my left ear, because I
of models with Salvador Dali.

Ppishel as a young man on vystavky ppodazhy modepnovogo
style long gone, vybipal kaptiny. And ponpavilas emy one, and he peshil
it kypit.
- How many is this kaptina, I would like it kypit. - Sppashivaet it.
- Ho young man is not kaptina this switch.

Two kid's view in the museum of an abstract painting.
- Let's skedaddle out of here, and they'll think that is what we painted it.

In the studio of Picasso came millionaire. 3ainteresovalas picture
written in a cubic manner:
- And what is drawn?
- Two hundred thousand dollars - said the artist

I am ending your portrait - Picasso said the man whom
drew. - And now try to be like him.

Friends noticed that the walls in the house of Picasso, there is no picture
owner.
- You do not like your picture?
- Very like, but to me they can not afford ...

Picasso leads guests on his show.
- This is my self-portrait. And this portrait of my wife.
- I hope you do not have children?

Picasso ordered cabinetmaker furniture set for a country house.
For clarity, he quickly jotted down a sketch and asked:
- How much will it cost?
- Not at all! Just sign the sketch.

The artist asked the gallery owner, who was interested in whether it
canvases.
- Oh, yes! One gentleman wanted to know whether the paintings will rise in the price
after your death. I said sure, and then he bought at once 15
paintings.
- Excellent! Who is this gentleman? - Asked the artist.
- Your doctor, - answered the master.

Polish banker commissioned artist painting of transition
Jews through the Red Sea. The artist took the money and disappeared. He appeared
only after a major scandal. The huge canvas, which he brought c
is, from top to bottom was smeared with red paint.
- What is it? - Outraged banker.
- Red Sea.
- And where the troops of Pharaoh?
- Drowned.
- All right. But what happened to the Jews?
- They have already passed.

In one of the halls of the museum, two young ladies stopped in front of the statue
perfectly folded Greek god, completely naked, for
except leaf to disguise a certain place. One of the attendees
eager to go further, and the other stuck on the ground, never taking his eyes from
statue.
- Are you going to stand here until the New Year? - Tease
girlfriend.
- No, - sighed friend - until the autumn.

Well-known illustrator Tabor, when he made illustrations
to books, pririsovyval in the corner of the dog. When the editor began
resent, to which, say, a dog, he passionately argued
the need for dogs in the picture. In the end common sense prevailed and
dog from the picture cleaned and soothed the editor gave the picture to print.
Well, the artist and asked why, they say, you have this nasty paint, and he
responds: "And if there were no dogs, so he would have to something more
fault.